Romantic relationships are often filled with challenges, and the road to that perfect union can be filled with many twists and turns. I used to go to the bars with one years ago and he would drink pop. I am a better person for this. I have found that most do, at work and at play. After a death in the family, we planned for a trip together for me to see my extended family and I talked about how excited I was for him to get to meet them. I think he felt he had to overcome those concerns from women all the time. As mean as it may seem to do it right before his bday, I actually think it is the most compassionate thing you can do, for both of you.
I have family members who are alcoholics; they are compulsive liars and manipulators. I guess the bottom line is this. One problem: he admitted to having an alcohol problem. I agree with what others are saying regarding the question of how long he has been sober. Together, there are in early women don't. I have only seen you passed out on the dance floor at Studio One just a couple of times. It sucks, R25, but that's what happened.
Your partner is going to recovery meetings, attending regular therapy sessions and engaging in productive activities that are allowing them to mature and grow into their recovery—you need to do the same. Relationships in recovery, goal setting, and problem. Good for you for going into this thing with your eyes wide open. Like I said, he's probably very aware of his own issues and tendencies, unlike a lot of other people. I guess some others have voiced my thoughts too.
Ironically I got worse going there, a lot worse, I didn't start to improve till I left. He said that he was in an unhappy relationship with someone for over three years and had been drinking, one night he hit rock bottom and slept with someone else. As your partner progresses through their recovery, you have to find ways to be supportive as they work through their various issues if you are committed to the relationship long-term. I've never dated someone who's recovering, but I wouldn't kick this guy out just for that. Nobody is saying that those of us in recovery should be sentenced to a lifetime alone.
For me, the stakes are too high. No one wants to believe their new guy is an alcoholic, so any sense you have that he might have a drinking problem is a cause for concern. They travelled around the country, and to Africa. I had a horrid road to travel before I finally threw the towel in. Why do the apologists think it's perfectly fine for addicts to destroy another human being? Is he well liked and popular in the meetings you attend with him? I was right to drop the guy I liked. Addiction can be the impetus for people doing some pretty horrible things — things that they likely would not have done otherwise. It is good to let the alcoholic get recovery under their belt like a year or so before dating them because they still have a lot to work through.
While you may not want to think about it, relapse is common in recovery and it is estimated that between 40 to 60 percent of people in recovery will relapse at some point during their sobriety. Of course a healthy relationship can happen. He had been addicted to drugs and alcohol for 12 yrs straight. Recovery is supposed to be a bridge back to life, not your whole life. I don't want to make assumptions good or bad.
Almost everyone in recovery have never had two sober addicts find about the leading causes of the same unhealthy dating with whatsoever. It's just nota big thing anymore, hyperbole and screeching aside. Again, watch how he responds and take note of any defensiveness. If not the case then go have fun. Because alcoholism is a chronic condition, dating and relationships should be conducted in the context of the individual's recovery, a personal and unique process. They both told me they used alcohol to control anxieties. My brother is a recovered alcoholic and has been sober about 25 years.
My sweet, kind partner became a raging monster. Even if you support him, he can easily relapse because he knows your there to help him up. Ultimately, whether or not a relationship with a former addict is a good risk for you will depend upon you, your hopes for the future, and the stability of the specific person you have in mind. Your partner must take complete responsibility in taking the necessary steps to become healthy and fulfilled by attending meetings, volunteering and practicing healthier coping strategies. Trust your gut, and please post down in the Alcoholic 12 step forum to ask the sober alcoholics what to look out for. Other than that, I don't have much interface with addicts, I guess. Does he egg you on to take a shot, too? There is something that he needs to find out that has made him drink so much.
I think you need to cut him off completely. I'm now newly retired, but strangely I nrver experienced subsequent happiness. How he takes on the challenge of recovery will tell you a lot about his strength of character. I would steer clear of dating this guy. I do work very hard at my recovery and have reaped the lots of rewards from this. Through it all, I understand that these behaviours or addictive thinking won't disappear overnight. If you had a choice would you date someone who is mentally ill.